That feeling...

Standing at the edge of a cliff,
watching yourself leap
like so many times before;

...except, this time, you don't fall;
you hang in midair,
like a word on the tip of your tongue
that can't be spoken.

And somehow, that lands way harder
than hitting the ground ever did.

...

That feeling, when you're upside down
on a roller coaster that got stuck
at the apex of the loop,

dangling-
blood rushing to your head-

and in the place where panic should be,
you're not afraid of falling;
you're not afraid for your life;

...you're afraid of dying
without ever having said the words
that can't be spoken.

...

That feeling when you spend a lifetime
searching... reaching... questioning...
aching... starving...

spiraling in your own soup of madness,
buried voices, and broken dreams.

Like words that can't be spoken,
clutching onto your lips for dear life,
unable to let go as your face turns red,

like the final breath before drowning,
or someone stuck upside down
on a ride they can't get off of;

hanging in the air by a thread-
by a single moment in time

where you wish that... just once...
you could finally say the words
that can't be spoken.

...

That feeling...
when the moment passes,

like words that can't be spoken
caught in your throat,
choking; suffocating-

swallowed by darkness,
engulfed by fire,
devoured by time;

like an entire lifetime
gone in the blink of an eye-

...and then your feet touch the ground
...and then the ride continues
...and then your lips quiver,

not from fear, or regret, or cowardice;
but by the deafening sound of silence.

Like in that brittle moment after your first kiss;
Like after the first breath they've ever tasted;
like the way they do when you arrive somewhere
you've been waiting an entire lifetime for;

by words.

Not because they were spoken,
but because in that tiny, delicate moment,
you finally come to realize-
they don't have to be anymore.

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